you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
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Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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