You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
