brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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