Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there's paper in my vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize