Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
