I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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