"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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