Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
