So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
