So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
even my farts smell like vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
