piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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