he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
