dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
