took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize