He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
