Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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