I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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