ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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