Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
