If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
