The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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