bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
