I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
