hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
