Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
