Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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