I wish my penis had an off switch
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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