I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
