I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
