I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
