Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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