are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
