just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
