dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
