if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
