somebody snuck up and got me drunk
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
