dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
