I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
