I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
