We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
