i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
