Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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