I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
