Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
