Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
