Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."