woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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