So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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