She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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