I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
