Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
