my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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