Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
