Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think my mom watched the whole time
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
