i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.