We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.