I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.