Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
whose parrot is this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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