Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
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we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby