Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
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Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now