it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course