I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
third nipple confirmed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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