ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize