I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know her cup size but not her name....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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