I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
