No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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