sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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