I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
