we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
