Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
