My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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