Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
