I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
