I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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