just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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