I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
