Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My ass is underappreciated
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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