I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
