I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
