My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
